Kids Say the Darndest Things 14

(Miguel is reading The Bobbsey Twins and the Mystery of the Tag-along Giraffe)
MIGUEL: "Mommy, is there such thing as a Filipino giraffe?"
MOMMY: "No. Why?"
MIGUEL: "Because it says here that it's a Tagalong giraffe."
(Speaking Tagalog is clearly not his best asset)


(Car conversations)
MIGUEL: "Mia, how do you spell 100?"
MIA: "That's easy. O-N-E space H-U-N-D-R-E-D."
MOMMY & MIGUEL: "Yay!"
MIGUEL: "Spell 1000."
MIA: "O-N-E space T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D."
MOMMY & MIGUEL: "Yay!"
MIGUEL: "Now spell 126,000."
MIA: "O-N-E space H-R..." (pauses) "Ugghh! Are you serious???"
MIGUEL: (giggles) "Yes."
MIA: "But that's so hard, Kuya!" (starts to whine)
MIGUEL: "You can do it."
MIA: "O-N-E space H-U-N-D-R-E-D space T-W-E-N-T-Y-S-I-X space T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D."
(Yay!!!)


MIA: "Mommy, I have a new name, 'k? It's Fast-Cutie-Baby-Smartypants-Who-Remembers-Her-Memories."
(Whatever suits your fancy, honey!)


(Mia is helping Daddy mix batter for the angel food cake in the kitchen. Mommy took a peek.)
MOMMY: "Wow, you're making a cake? That's so nice!" (Mommy leaves to get a camera)
MIA: (whispers to Daddy) "I think she's going to take a picture of us."
(Mommy comes back and takes a photo)
MIA: "See?"


MIA: "Mommy, you know what Cupid is?"
MOMMY: "What?"
MIA: "It's an angel in a diaper with fluffy, blonde hair. He has arrows and if he shoots them at two persons, they will fall in love."
(What brand of diaper does he wear, Mia?)


(Reviewing for the school exams)
MOMMY: "Mia, ano ang pambansang ibon?"
MIA: "Haribon, or Philippine Eagle. Mommy, do you know that the Philippine Eagle eats monkeys?"
MOMMY: "Yes, that's right."
MIA: "Some people think that it's the monkey that eats the eagle."
MOMMY: "Why is that?"
MIA: "Because it's called the Monkey-Eating-Eagle. But it's really the eagle that eats the monkey!"


(Another serious car conversation)
MIA: "Mommy, I change my mind. I wanna be a teacher."
MOMMY: "Why? You don't want to be a nurse anymore?"
MIA: "I really want to be a nurse and a teacher. But if I do both, it's going to be hard. So I'm just gonna be a teacher of Egypt."


(Preparing for the 8PM routine)
MOMMY: "Mia, tell Kuya that he better start devo (devotion & prayer time) in a few minutes."
MIA: (goes inside the room) "Kuya, SENT MESSAGE. It's from Mommy. This message says you better start devo-devo in a few minutes."


(Mommy is shampoo-ing Mia's hair)
MIA: "Mommy, I know where China is."
MOMMY: "Oh? Where?"
MIA: "It's near Japan. Japan is a small country.
MOMMY: "Where did you learn that?"
MIA: "In class. Teacher showed us a map."
MOMMY: "Okay."
MIA: "I also know where America is. There's a North America, and a South America."
MOMMY: "That's great. So, do you know where the Philippines is?"
MIA: "Uh-huh. It's absolutely near Bohol."

Kids Say the Darndest Things 13

(Car conversations)
MIA: "Mommy, I'm tired of being sweet. I want to be a war girl."


(Tita Dobz gave Mia a two-piece swim suit for Christmas and she is rummaging the closets looking for it.)
MIA: "Daddy, have you seen my red bikini?"
DADDY: (looks up from his laptop with a shocked and puzzled look) "Huh??? Who says you're allowed to wear a bikini?"


(On our way to SM)
MOMMY: "Mia, remind me to go to Toy Kingdom today, okay?"
MIA: "Okay, Mommy. Tell me if you forget."


(Quiz time)
MIA: "Mommy, what's 100 + 2?"
MOMMY: "102."
MIA: "Correct! Next, what's 100 + 200?"
MOMMY: "300."
MIA: "Very good! You're learning, Mommy!"


(I guess we're watching too much Glee?)
MIA: "Mommy, I know why Rachel doesn't want Quinn for Finn."
MOMMY: "Why?"
MIA: "Because she loves him more."


(All of us are snuggled up in our own beds for the night)
MIA: "Hey, Mommy!!!"
MOMMY: "Yeah?"
MIA: "You know what's missing from my bed?"
MOMMY: "What?"
MIA: "My water tumbler. I'm sleepy. You go and get it."
(Eh?)


(Just finished reading her first Magic Treehouse book, The Knight at Dawn)
MIA: "Mommy, you know what a moat is?"
MOMMY: "What is it?"
MIA: "It's a river that protects the castle and sometimes it has crocodiles!"


(The three of us were watching Small Soldiers and it's the part where Alan Abernathy destroys a nearby powerline to fry the Commando Elite's chips in an EMP blast)
MOMMY: "What was that explosion?"
MIGUEL: "Oh, it was the EMP."
MIA: "What's that?"
MIGUEL: "Electromagnetic Pulse."
MIA: "Oh.... You know what pulse means?"
MIGUEL: "What?"
MIA: "Pulse means repeated sound."
(Where in the world does a 5-year-old learn these things???)


(Car conversations...again)
MIA: "Daddy, you know what Titing (her classmate) told me today?"
DADDY: "What?"
MIA: "He says he wants to be the next John Lloyd Cruz."

Kids Say the Darndest Things 12

(Mia flipped the sun visor of my Mitsubishi car and found a sticker with Japanese characters on it.  She is a huge fan of Ancient Egypt.)
MIA:  "Mommy, look!  Hieroglyphics!!!"


(After having bought and read a fact book for Mia entitled Ancient Egypt, I give her a short quiz, not expecting a 5-year-old to get anything right.)
MOMMY:  "Who was buried inside the Great Pyramid?"
MIA:  (huge grin)  "King Khufu."
MOMMY:  "Wow, you remembered!  Okay, next.  Describe the crown of Upper Egypt."
MIA:  (huge grin again)  "Bottle-shaped.  And it's white."
MOMMY:  "Yes, it's a bottle-shaped white crown.  Correct!  Now, what is the Great Sphinx?"
MIA:  "It has the body of a lion and the head of a human."
(Move over, Indiana Jones!)


(Rule #1:  Don't play with the i-touch in the car or you'll destroy your eyes.)
MOMMY:  "We have to go buy some groceries at the mall, okay, Mia?"
MIA:  "Okay.  Can I play i-touch in Parkmall, Mommy?
MOMMY:  "Oh no, babe.  Not this time."
MIA:  "Ughhh.  But it's not a moving vehicle!"


(Mia was so amazed watching a song & dance routine on Glee that her jaw dropped.  We caught her with her mouth wide open.  After a minute...)
MIA:  "Can somebody please close my mouth?"


(Mia was complaining in the car about Daddy's teasing the night before.)
MIA:  "But Mommy, I don't like it when Daddy follows everything I do."
MOMMY:  "He's just teasing you, babe, because he wants to see you laugh."
MIA:  "But I really don't like it!"
MOMMY:  "You know, you should be glad you have a daddy who loves you and plays with you.  Some kids don't even have daddies."
MIA:  (long pause, then starts to sob.)  "Awww...that's so sweet.  I can't take it anymore!"
(I thought she was just being a drama queen, but when  I looked at her, big tears were falling down her cheeks!)


(Mia was riding on the grocery shopping cart when she asked me this question.)
MIA:  "Mommy, how do we die?  Do we kill ourselves?"

Kids Say the Darndest Things 11

(Tita Gingging is wondering where three of her virtual fish went. Mia is the last one who used the virtual aquarium on her i-touch.)
TITA GINGGING: "Mia, what happened to my white fish? I had three fish in the aquarium."
MIA: "I sold them."
(Better be prepared. By the time she's 6, she'll be selling our stuff on e-bay.)


(Ummm...is this in the dictionary?)
MIA: "Mommy, can I be your virtual family's take-carer?"


(Our subdivision usually has an annual prize for the house with the nicest Christmas lights. Papa Ben's Christmas decor never comes down after the holidays. They're there all year round.)
MIGUEL: "Daddy, we're the winner of the Christmas decorating contest."
DADDY: "Really?"
MIGUEL: "Yes, because Papa Ben's Christmas lights have been up since last year!"


(Playing school with her Barbie dolls in the next room while Mommy's resting in bed)
MIA: "Okay, are you finished? Pass your art work.... (pause)"
"Did I say Row 2? Sit down."
"Row 1, stand up, push your chairs, form a line, and give me your art work."


(Practising his Filipino vocabulary)
MOMMY: "Miguel, what's the Filipino word for BALL?"
MIGUEL: "That's easy. It's BOLA!"
MOMMY: "How about BOOK?"
MIGUEL: (Eyes squinting) "Ahhh...BUKA?"


(Mia is thumping her fingers heavily on Daddy's keyboard and shouting at his laptop.)
MIA: "Taste the fury of my giants, you!"
(I should ban her from playing Miguel's war games, eh?)


(Mia is feeling bubbly and talking to Miguel in the car. Sometimes I forget she's only 5 years old...)
MIA: "Kuya, my classmates want to play Bang Howdy on the computer. Are you up to the challenge?"


(Make that a 5-year-old with long-term planning skills...)
MIA: "Mommy, if our turtles die, can we have a puppy?"

Kids Say the Darndest Things 10

(Mia has been talking non-stop in the car since Mommy fetched her from school. Mommy's not even listening 'cause she's busy driving. Finally, after 20 long noisy minutes...)
MIA: "Mommy, I'm tired of talking. I'm going to rest my mouth now."


(Another serious conversation in the car)
MIA: "Mommy, when am I going to be a teenager?"
MOMMY: "When you're 13 years old, baby. You're a teenager when you're 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 or 19 -- the numbers end with teen, see?"
MIA: "So, after that, I'm going to be an adult?"
(You could hear Mommy's jaw drop)


(Reading The Milkmaid and Her Jug or Ang Manggagatas at ang Kanyang Pitsel)
MIGUEL: "Paglaki ng mga manok, ibebenta ko sila at ang pera ay gagamitin kong pambili ng biik."
MOMMY: "What does paglaki mean?
MIGUEL: "Ummm...a boy?"


(Mia is in teasing mode after having been tucked into bed. FYI, ******** is Miguel's crush.)
MIA: "Daddy, Kuya is going to dream of ******** tonight."
DADDY: "Oh?"
MIA: "Yes, he's going to have a nightmare because he's gonna dream about ******** kissing him."


(Walking past the grocery at Park Mall)
MIGUEL: "Mommy, what does kain mean?"
MOMMY: "It means eat."
MIGUEL: "How about tayo?"
MOMMY: "Us."
MIGUEL: "So, Kain tayo means Eat us?"


(On our way to school)
MIA: "Mommy, I should have brought my green hanky."
MOMMY: "Never mind, baby. You might lose it."
MIA: "But it's my fashion style."


(We're about to watch The Never-Ending Story in our house with Tita Gingging and Tita Dobz)
MIA: (Holding her coin bank) "Everybody pay for the entrance fee!"
TITA GINGGING: (Laughing) "Okay." (Drops some coins in the bank)
(The next morning...)
MIA: "Mommy! The coin bank!"
MOMMY: "Tita Gingging already paid for the entrance fee last night, remember?"
MIA: "Yes...but I forgot to let them pay again before they went out!"
(Apparently, an exit fee is also required these days.)


(Driving down Sangi Road behind a car with a bumper sticker saying "I LOVE FLYING")
MIA: "Mommy, I can read that sticker."
MOMMY: "Oh? What does it say?"
MIA: "I love flying!" (giggles) "That's so funny!"
MOMMY: "Why is it funny?"
MIA: "Because cars don't fly!"

Kids Say the Darndest Things 9

(Listening to a WOW Worship CD in the car. One artist sounds like MJ)
MIA: "Mommy, is that Michael Jackson?"
MOMMY: "No, it's not, baby."
MIA: "Okay."
(A few hours later we fetch Miguel from school and the same song plays again)
MIGUEL: "That's a nice song. Who's the singer, Mommy?"
MIA: "NOT Michael Jackson!"


(How I know why those trips to the ladies' section where the wigs are displayed made an impression.)
MIA: "Mommy, why do you have brown hair?"
MOMMY: "Because God gave me brown hair."
MIA: "Where did God get your hair?" (Thinks for a bit.) "Oh, I know! From SM!"


(Reading "Yakkk, Bulutong-Tubig!" at bedtime)
MIGUEL: "Naku, Jaycee, ayaw pang bumangon. Mabigat daw ang katawan niya."
MOMMY: "Okay, what does katawan mean?"
MIGUEL: "Uh...funny?"


(In the car, after-school conversation)
MIA: "Mommy, maliit means big."
MOMMY: "No, maliit means small. Malaki means big."
MIA: "How did you know that?" (big, doe eyes)
MOMMY: "I know, because I'm a Filipino."
MIA: "You are?!"


(Running in SM ahead of Mommy)
MOMMY: "Mia, please don't run or you'll fall again."
MIA: "Don't worry, I'll be careful-ing this time."


(Watching David Foster's "Hitman" concert on DVD. David introduces Babyface before he sings "I Swear" with brother, Kevan)
DAVID FOSTER: "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the unbelievably talented--my friend--Kenny 'Babyface' Edmonds!"
MIA: (with a puzzled look) "But he's not a baby!"


(While shampooing Mia's hair)
MIA: "Mommy, I like the story about Abraham and Isaac. Sacrifice means to kill and to burn with fire."
MOMMY: "Yes, that's right."
MIA: "Abraham had another son, but I forgot his name."
MOMMY: "His name was Ishmael."
MIA: "Oh, yeah! Why do you know, Mommy?"
MOMMY: "I just know."
MIA: "You mean you went to Kinder 2, too?!"

Naturally Fabulous

Watching the Ms. Universe Pageant last week was sad for me. While most Filipinos were complaining why Ms. Philippines didn't even make it to the top 12, I was complaining why I wasn't born to have a body like those strutting on the stage, or the least make it to the top million mannequin-like figures in the world. Lord, why couldn't I have more height and less circumference?


I came out from my mother's womb a plump berry. Mom said she liked to eat pork barbecue when she was expecting me, and I'm afraid that was exactly what I wanted to eat all the time. One of my favorite meals was a plateful of rice (rim to rim) topped with mongo bean sludge drizzled with spoonfuls of catsup (It made sense to me back then, but now I guess it sounds like hog food).


In high school, though, I got more conscious with how I looked (you know, the boys), so I toned down on the food indulging. And since I went to Cebu City National Science High School, my daily exercise consisted of a 200-meter dash from the jeepney stop to the huge school oval where the flag ceremony was about to start, and the harrowing gardening class (in my former alma mater, we weren't only equipped with knowledge, but with a bolo and a hoe as well).


I pretty much had control over my weight up until I married my childhood crush, but then when I got pregnant with my firstborn, I blew up into a beluga whale. Oh, okay, I'm exaggerating. Maybe a baby beluga whale. Since then, it's been yoyo dieting, occasional hello's to my exercise machine, and the if-I-feel-like-it strolls up the hill. It doesn't help that I have chronic muscle pains and would have to eat a lot and drink a soda to get rid of the hypoglycemia and headaches. Moreover--every mother knows this--when you have kids who don't always finish their food, you end up eating their leftovers, too.


Once a while, I'd get a horrid comment, like, "Hey, are you pregnant?" Well, it wouldn't be so horrid if it were true! Etiquette, people! You don't ask a woman if she's pregnant unless it is too obvious (like basketball-thingy-underneath-her-shirt obvious). What's worse is when I politely say, "No, I'm not," and still they blurt out, "Are you kidding? Look at that! (pointing to the controversial bulge)" Uggghhhh!!!!


Oh well...going back to Ms. Universe and my "godly" complaints -- I told my husband once, "I hate my stomach. It has many layers that aren't supposed to be there." I was expecting him to say,"Yeah, you should exercise more." But then he pulled me close, bent down to kiss my layered tummy, and said, "No, I love this. This has given me two beautiful children." Hmmm.... This reminds me of the time we were watching American Idol, and I asked, "Why didn't God give me a voice like that? Why do they get to have everything?" And Doy simply said, "Because if He did, you would cease to be Boots." Darn, I hate it when hubby is often right.

Contentment is not my virtue. However, skinny-mannequin-like or baby-beluga-like, I guess we should be more accepting of how God made us. That doesn't mean, though, that I'm going to stop dieting and exercising (by the way, can somebody help me get this hula hoop to work?). But it does mean that from now on, I'll be happy with 5 feet / 2 inches / 135 pounds, and will be feeling naturally fabulous no matter how many strutting perfect bodies pass my way.

Psalms 139:13-14 You are the one who put me together inside my mother's body, and I praise you because of the wonderful way you created me. Everything you do is marvelous! Of this I have no doubt.

Kids Say the Darndest Things 8

(After watching a Tagalog nursery song video)
MIGUEL: "Abakada means avocado, Mommy?"


(A frequently asked question in the household)
MIA: "Mommy, when am I gonna have a baby?"


(Miguel is teasing Mia and the little girl keeps screaming)
MOMMY: "Miguel, if Mia screams one more time, you're gonna be grounded."
MIGUEL: "From what?"
MIA: "Marriage."


(Looking at my new laminating machine on the table)
MIA: "Mommy, you have a new eliminating machine!"


(I should think twice about always multi-tasking in the car, eh? The little girl is beginning to notice.)
MIA: "Mommy, could you please get my tumbler at the back? I can't reach it."
MOMMY: "But I'm driving, Mia."
MIA: "That's ok. Just drive with your right hand, and then you reach for my tumbler with your left hand."


(Miguel and Mia often pretend to shoot a particular security guard in our subdivision whenever we pass by the guard house. He pretends to shoot back. Whoever draws their pointer finger first, wins. It has been a while since Mia has seen him because of their shifting schedules.)
MIA: "Mommy, please roll down the window, so I can shoot the guard."
MOMMY: "I don't think it's him, sweetie."
MIA: "Where is he?"
MOMMY: "I don't know, baby."
MIA: "Hmmm...maybe he went and looked for a job somewhere else."


(Mia is pretending to map out a farm using animal toys with Will, our godchild)
MIA: "This is China. It's where my animals live.
WILL: "And this is where I live. I live in Japan. Japan is in China."


(Dropping off Mia at our pizza shop so I could take the car to the car wash next door)
MOMMY: "Mia, you stay here, okay? I'm just gonna bring the car to the car wash."
MIA: "Ok. But how are you going to bring it? It's too heavy."

Rain Kiss

This time of year, I'm always busy. With the opening of classes, I have to make hundreds of identification cards, hundreds of gate passes, while at the same time taking care of a business and a family. Summer usually drains me. So for the past few weeks (when it rained almost every day), I was most happy and refreshed. For those who know me well, I'm at my best mood when the rain pours, when the thunders roll, and when the winds howl.


On the 29th of May, when I was beginning to think that it was going to be another hot, humid day, bucketsful of rain came in a sudden downpour. My 9-year-old Miguel had already taken a bath that morning, but my 4-year-old Mia and I hadn't. You should have seen the sparkle in Mia's eyes when I asked her if she wanted to take a bath in the rain! Although hesitant at first (probably she thought I was kidding, or simply didn't know what to expect), she grabbed her black Islander slippers, dashed out the door, and embraced what would become her first time to run around in the rain. We sauntered down the stairs and into the yard, carefully tiptoe-ing on the stepping stones in the garden as raindrops splashed on our faces. "God is watering the plants!" she declared with delight as she looked at each green, glistening, wet leaf. "Yes, He is!" I replied.


As it was a Kodak moment, Miguel came out with a camera in one hand and an umbrella in the other, and took a few precious photographs. Some of them turned out blurred, but that's okay.


Mia and I ran and danced in the rain for about 10 minutes more until lightning started to flash across the sky. Then we were off to the bathroom to take a warm shower. As I shampoo-ed her hair, I told Mia how good God was for giving us rain. Amidst her girly giggles, she enounced, "I wanna hug God now!" That's how Mia is -- when she feels overwhelmed with love and excitement -- she just wants to give you a giant bear hug. It's the sweetest thing in the whole world.


Finally finishing up, I bent down to wrap a towel around her, and she blurted out "Rain kiss!" She pressed her face onto mine, and instead of rubbing noses ("the eskimo kiss", like we usually do), she gave me a great big kiss on the lips.


It was definitely my day. That's what I would always say whenever it rains. Hmmm, but this time, it wasn't just mine. It was obviously, absolutely, undeniably, without a doubt our day.

Psalms 135:5-7 The LORD is much greater than any other god. (6) He does as he chooses in heaven and on earth and deep in the sea. (7) The LORD makes the clouds rise from far across the earth, and he makes lightning to go with the rain. Then from his secret place he sends out the wind.

Mia's Checklist

This week, 4-year-old Mia pretended to be a ballerina about to have her own dance performance. She made a checklist of her logistics. See if you can figure it out.

(If you get 5 out of 7, you are definitely a bonafide kid lover! Lower than that, and you're gonna need a little more experience in the kid department hahaha.)