Kids Say the Darndest Things 9

(Listening to a WOW Worship CD in the car. One artist sounds like MJ)
MIA: "Mommy, is that Michael Jackson?"
MOMMY: "No, it's not, baby."
MIA: "Okay."
(A few hours later we fetch Miguel from school and the same song plays again)
MIGUEL: "That's a nice song. Who's the singer, Mommy?"
MIA: "NOT Michael Jackson!"


(How I know why those trips to the ladies' section where the wigs are displayed made an impression.)
MIA: "Mommy, why do you have brown hair?"
MOMMY: "Because God gave me brown hair."
MIA: "Where did God get your hair?" (Thinks for a bit.) "Oh, I know! From SM!"


(Reading "Yakkk, Bulutong-Tubig!" at bedtime)
MIGUEL: "Naku, Jaycee, ayaw pang bumangon. Mabigat daw ang katawan niya."
MOMMY: "Okay, what does katawan mean?"
MIGUEL: "Uh...funny?"


(In the car, after-school conversation)
MIA: "Mommy, maliit means big."
MOMMY: "No, maliit means small. Malaki means big."
MIA: "How did you know that?" (big, doe eyes)
MOMMY: "I know, because I'm a Filipino."
MIA: "You are?!"


(Running in SM ahead of Mommy)
MOMMY: "Mia, please don't run or you'll fall again."
MIA: "Don't worry, I'll be careful-ing this time."


(Watching David Foster's "Hitman" concert on DVD. David introduces Babyface before he sings "I Swear" with brother, Kevan)
DAVID FOSTER: "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the unbelievably talented--my friend--Kenny 'Babyface' Edmonds!"
MIA: (with a puzzled look) "But he's not a baby!"


(While shampooing Mia's hair)
MIA: "Mommy, I like the story about Abraham and Isaac. Sacrifice means to kill and to burn with fire."
MOMMY: "Yes, that's right."
MIA: "Abraham had another son, but I forgot his name."
MOMMY: "His name was Ishmael."
MIA: "Oh, yeah! Why do you know, Mommy?"
MOMMY: "I just know."
MIA: "You mean you went to Kinder 2, too?!"

Naturally Fabulous

Watching the Ms. Universe Pageant last week was sad for me. While most Filipinos were complaining why Ms. Philippines didn't even make it to the top 12, I was complaining why I wasn't born to have a body like those strutting on the stage, or the least make it to the top million mannequin-like figures in the world. Lord, why couldn't I have more height and less circumference?


I came out from my mother's womb a plump berry. Mom said she liked to eat pork barbecue when she was expecting me, and I'm afraid that was exactly what I wanted to eat all the time. One of my favorite meals was a plateful of rice (rim to rim) topped with mongo bean sludge drizzled with spoonfuls of catsup (It made sense to me back then, but now I guess it sounds like hog food).


In high school, though, I got more conscious with how I looked (you know, the boys), so I toned down on the food indulging. And since I went to Cebu City National Science High School, my daily exercise consisted of a 200-meter dash from the jeepney stop to the huge school oval where the flag ceremony was about to start, and the harrowing gardening class (in my former alma mater, we weren't only equipped with knowledge, but with a bolo and a hoe as well).


I pretty much had control over my weight up until I married my childhood crush, but then when I got pregnant with my firstborn, I blew up into a beluga whale. Oh, okay, I'm exaggerating. Maybe a baby beluga whale. Since then, it's been yoyo dieting, occasional hello's to my exercise machine, and the if-I-feel-like-it strolls up the hill. It doesn't help that I have chronic muscle pains and would have to eat a lot and drink a soda to get rid of the hypoglycemia and headaches. Moreover--every mother knows this--when you have kids who don't always finish their food, you end up eating their leftovers, too.


Once a while, I'd get a horrid comment, like, "Hey, are you pregnant?" Well, it wouldn't be so horrid if it were true! Etiquette, people! You don't ask a woman if she's pregnant unless it is too obvious (like basketball-thingy-underneath-her-shirt obvious). What's worse is when I politely say, "No, I'm not," and still they blurt out, "Are you kidding? Look at that! (pointing to the controversial bulge)" Uggghhhh!!!!


Oh well...going back to Ms. Universe and my "godly" complaints -- I told my husband once, "I hate my stomach. It has many layers that aren't supposed to be there." I was expecting him to say,"Yeah, you should exercise more." But then he pulled me close, bent down to kiss my layered tummy, and said, "No, I love this. This has given me two beautiful children." Hmmm.... This reminds me of the time we were watching American Idol, and I asked, "Why didn't God give me a voice like that? Why do they get to have everything?" And Doy simply said, "Because if He did, you would cease to be Boots." Darn, I hate it when hubby is often right.

Contentment is not my virtue. However, skinny-mannequin-like or baby-beluga-like, I guess we should be more accepting of how God made us. That doesn't mean, though, that I'm going to stop dieting and exercising (by the way, can somebody help me get this hula hoop to work?). But it does mean that from now on, I'll be happy with 5 feet / 2 inches / 135 pounds, and will be feeling naturally fabulous no matter how many strutting perfect bodies pass my way.

Psalms 139:13-14 You are the one who put me together inside my mother's body, and I praise you because of the wonderful way you created me. Everything you do is marvelous! Of this I have no doubt.

Kids Say the Darndest Things 8

(After watching a Tagalog nursery song video)
MIGUEL: "Abakada means avocado, Mommy?"


(A frequently asked question in the household)
MIA: "Mommy, when am I gonna have a baby?"


(Miguel is teasing Mia and the little girl keeps screaming)
MOMMY: "Miguel, if Mia screams one more time, you're gonna be grounded."
MIGUEL: "From what?"
MIA: "Marriage."


(Looking at my new laminating machine on the table)
MIA: "Mommy, you have a new eliminating machine!"


(I should think twice about always multi-tasking in the car, eh? The little girl is beginning to notice.)
MIA: "Mommy, could you please get my tumbler at the back? I can't reach it."
MOMMY: "But I'm driving, Mia."
MIA: "That's ok. Just drive with your right hand, and then you reach for my tumbler with your left hand."


(Miguel and Mia often pretend to shoot a particular security guard in our subdivision whenever we pass by the guard house. He pretends to shoot back. Whoever draws their pointer finger first, wins. It has been a while since Mia has seen him because of their shifting schedules.)
MIA: "Mommy, please roll down the window, so I can shoot the guard."
MOMMY: "I don't think it's him, sweetie."
MIA: "Where is he?"
MOMMY: "I don't know, baby."
MIA: "Hmmm...maybe he went and looked for a job somewhere else."


(Mia is pretending to map out a farm using animal toys with Will, our godchild)
MIA: "This is China. It's where my animals live.
WILL: "And this is where I live. I live in Japan. Japan is in China."


(Dropping off Mia at our pizza shop so I could take the car to the car wash next door)
MOMMY: "Mia, you stay here, okay? I'm just gonna bring the car to the car wash."
MIA: "Ok. But how are you going to bring it? It's too heavy."

Rain Kiss

This time of year, I'm always busy. With the opening of classes, I have to make hundreds of identification cards, hundreds of gate passes, while at the same time taking care of a business and a family. Summer usually drains me. So for the past few weeks (when it rained almost every day), I was most happy and refreshed. For those who know me well, I'm at my best mood when the rain pours, when the thunders roll, and when the winds howl.


On the 29th of May, when I was beginning to think that it was going to be another hot, humid day, bucketsful of rain came in a sudden downpour. My 9-year-old Miguel had already taken a bath that morning, but my 4-year-old Mia and I hadn't. You should have seen the sparkle in Mia's eyes when I asked her if she wanted to take a bath in the rain! Although hesitant at first (probably she thought I was kidding, or simply didn't know what to expect), she grabbed her black Islander slippers, dashed out the door, and embraced what would become her first time to run around in the rain. We sauntered down the stairs and into the yard, carefully tiptoe-ing on the stepping stones in the garden as raindrops splashed on our faces. "God is watering the plants!" she declared with delight as she looked at each green, glistening, wet leaf. "Yes, He is!" I replied.


As it was a Kodak moment, Miguel came out with a camera in one hand and an umbrella in the other, and took a few precious photographs. Some of them turned out blurred, but that's okay.


Mia and I ran and danced in the rain for about 10 minutes more until lightning started to flash across the sky. Then we were off to the bathroom to take a warm shower. As I shampoo-ed her hair, I told Mia how good God was for giving us rain. Amidst her girly giggles, she enounced, "I wanna hug God now!" That's how Mia is -- when she feels overwhelmed with love and excitement -- she just wants to give you a giant bear hug. It's the sweetest thing in the whole world.


Finally finishing up, I bent down to wrap a towel around her, and she blurted out "Rain kiss!" She pressed her face onto mine, and instead of rubbing noses ("the eskimo kiss", like we usually do), she gave me a great big kiss on the lips.


It was definitely my day. That's what I would always say whenever it rains. Hmmm, but this time, it wasn't just mine. It was obviously, absolutely, undeniably, without a doubt our day.

Psalms 135:5-7 The LORD is much greater than any other god. (6) He does as he chooses in heaven and on earth and deep in the sea. (7) The LORD makes the clouds rise from far across the earth, and he makes lightning to go with the rain. Then from his secret place he sends out the wind.

Mia's Checklist

This week, 4-year-old Mia pretended to be a ballerina about to have her own dance performance. She made a checklist of her logistics. See if you can figure it out.

(If you get 5 out of 7, you are definitely a bonafide kid lover! Lower than that, and you're gonna need a little more experience in the kid department hahaha.)

Kids Say the Darndest Things 7

(Being quiet after she put her baby doll to sleep)
MIA: "Mommy, I put Baby Zooey to sleep because I'm Baby Zooey's mother."
ME: "Oh? What else does a mother do?"
MIA: "She feeds her kids, she makes didi-kaw (what she used to call her baby bottle)...and she gets their ears pierced."


(Confronting her grandpa when she saw him throw her and her cousins' drawings in the trash)
MIA: "Papa, drawings are for people, not for garbage!"


(Passing through Mactan Bridge)
MIGUEL: "Mommy, look, they're putting garbage in the water."
MIA: "That's ok. Mermaids will clean it up."
MIGUEL: "No uy. How are they gonna do it?"
MIA: "They're gonna vacuum it."
MIGUEL: "And where are they going to get a vacuum cleaner?"
MIA: "From the underwater store!"


(Her rationale for not going near the Jollibee mascot at a kid's birthday party)
MIA: "Mommy, I'm shy only in stores. But I'm not shy in houses."


(Praying before sleeping)
MIA: "Lord, thank you for letting me play Dora (on the computer). And thank you for letting Daddy stop me from playing. Please bless our workers and our businesses. And please keep us away from bad dreams, bed bugs, and creepy crawly creatures. We love you. In Jesus' name, Amen."


(While eating a bowl of Blast 'Ems for breakfast)
MIA: "Sometimes babies also come out of boys."
ME: "What?!"
MIA: "Boys eat plenty of food, and then they have a big tummy, and a baby comes out of them. Then the girls and the boys share the babies, and the babies become twins."

Kids Say the Darndest Things 6

(Mia, Maddie, and Meg were playing with Mia's kitchen set in the room while I took a bath. Mia was alone when I came back.)
ME: "Mia, where's Meg and Maddie?"
MIA: "I took them to their Mommy."
ME: "Why?"
MIA: "Maegan hit Maddie because they were not taking turns cooking."
ME: "So why did you take them to their Mommy?"
MIA: "Because it's time to say sorry."


(My sister-in-law Mhil is investigating the two girls after Mia brought them to her. Miguel is playing at the computer but listening to their conversation.)
MHIL: "Maegan, did you hit Maddie?"
MEG: "I don't remember."
MHIL: "How could you not remember? That's not possible. How about you, Maddie? Did you hit your sister?"
MADDIE: "I did not!"
MEG: "But I felt something hit my leg!"
MIGUEL: "We need evidence!"



(The 3 girls are playing in the blue room and Maddie and Maegan are arguing again.)
MIA: "Hey, guys, stop quarreling. We need to work together!"


(Mommy is testing Mia's listening skills.)
ME: "Who's the prettiest baby?!"
MIA: "Me!"
ME: "Who's the love of Mommy?!"
MIA: "Me!"
ME: "Who's the love of Daddy?!"
MIA: "Me!"
ME: "Who keeps disobeying?!
MIA: "Ummm...Kuya!"


(Trying to find parking space in SM)
ME: "Why are we in SM again?"
MIGUEL: "Nachos!"
ME: "Nachos?! What kind of reason is that?"
MIGUEL: "Food reason!"


(While eating dinner)
MIA: "Mommy, if you eat plenty of food, there will be a baby in your tummy."
ME: "What?!"
MIA: "Yeah. Food turns into a baby."

Waiting for My Breath of Heaven

In this day and age, there are a few good men whom I find really masculine, ruggedly handsome, and attractive. Oh well, my husband naturally belongs in these categories (hahaha). But aside from him, I find something evidently enthralling about Josh Hartnett, Mark Ruffalo, Richard Gere, Matt Damon, Keanu Reeves, and David Caruso.


And yet, it's not just about their faces, but what is within as well (mostly based on the characters these actors portray in movies since I don't really know them firsthand). Character is what makes you take that second or third look. Because Brad Pitt and George Clooney may be handsome to many, but they absolutely don't have or do anything that appeals to me whatsoever. In other words, it's the whole package of appearance and character that makes the other six men endearing.


I have wondered about the men in the Bible -- the ones that you hear about in Bible stories ever since you were little. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to see these men in the flesh? Since we don't have photographs, we don't really know what they look like. We get some hints though according to how the Good Book describes them, and even this information gives our imagination certain limits. King David was said to have a healthy complexion, attractive eyes, and a handsome appearance (1Samuel 16:12). King Saul was ahandsome, young man. No man in Israel was more handsome than Saul. He stood a head taller than everyone else (1 Samuel 9:2). Joseph was well-built and handsome (Genesis 39:6). 2 Samuel 14:25 says "There was no one in Israel as famous for his good looks as Absalom; he had no defect from head to toe." Imagine that. Wow, these men truly must have been a sight to behold!


So when I went searching for a physical description of Jesus, the greatest of all Biblical characters, sadly, I couldn't find any. Of all the 27 books in the New Testament that all mention His name (except for 3 John, which only calls Him the "Christ"), there is not one single detail about what Jesus looks like. Obviously, He has been portrayed time and time again as having long, dark hair and round, sympathetic eyes -- but we all know that sketch is not really of Him. (If only they had digital cameras in that era....)


What does Jesus look like? And why wasn't He depicted just as David, Saul, Joseph, or Absalom were? Was He indescribable? Conclusively, He must have been handsome -- He was the Son of God -- surely He would have been good-looking. And humans were created in His image. Definitely, He should look much better than the best of all humans combined. Moreover, His life and character have built the faith of a third of the people living in the planet. Doubtlessly, He had the whole package going on for Him.


Due to my lack of semblance, there were times I've prayed, "Dear God, could You please just show me what you look like, even in my dreams? At least, when I pray, Your face could pop up in my mind. And could you speak so that I'd know what your voice sounded like?" That request, needless to say, hasn't been granted -- I don't know if it would ever be. Somehow, I envy His disciples that. They saw His face, they held His hand, they've kissed and hugged Him! Man, I would give anything to know what it feels like to be hugged by God Himself!


This morning, I was listening to an audio recording of Pastor Joey Bonifacio's sermon, and he mentioned that he had asked God once to speak to him audibly or at least pinch his cheeks and say, "Joey, ang cute mo!" Eventually, he did feel God pinch his cheeks and say exactly that! Don't know how long he waited, but it did happen.


Many years from now, I look forward to seeing Jesus' lovely face, feeling that warm embrace, and hearing the most beautiful voice in the universe. Until then, however, I'll just have to be content with the wind in my hair, raindrops on my skin, my kids' laughter, and my husband's bear hugs and kisses. I do believe those should work perfectly well for now. Now and for a long, long time in fact -- just until I finally experience the breath of heaven.

Kids Say the Darndest Things 5

(Miguel is playing with a toy gun that shoots out orange darts and telling Mia to pick the darts up)
MIA: "Mommy, Kuya wants me to get the gun sticks because he says I'm supposed to help him."
MOMMY: "Uh-huh."
MIA: "But, Mommy, Kuya should help himself!


(At the Mactan Airport, boarding our plane for Manila)
MIA: "Mommy, look at the sunset!"
MOMMY: "Yes, it's beautiful."
MIA: "You know what it means?"
MOMMY: "What?"
MIA: "It means that Manila is already closed!"


(On the airplane; trying to distract the little girl whose ears are hurting due to cabin pressure)
MOMMY: "Look at the clouds, Mia! Maybe we could jump into them."
MIA: (Looking apprehensive) "That's dangerous, Mommy."
MOMMY: "We could wear a parachute."
MIA: (Close to tears) "But we might fall into the river and there will be sharks and crocodiles."


(Playing with cousin, Maddie, with toy plates and food all around)
MIA: "It's Maegan's birthday!"
MADDIE: "No it's not!"
MIA: "Imagine!"


(Still playing Barbie dolls with cousin, Maddie)
MIA: "Maddie, when you grow big, who are you going to marry?"
MADDIE: "I don't know."
MAMA CLAIRE: "How about you, Mia, who are you going to marry?"
MIA: "I don't know."
MADDIE: "Because she didn't meet him yet."
MIA: "I don't want to marry Lymer." (Lymer is a classmate)
MAMA CLAIRE: "Why?"
MIA: "Because I don't want to kiss him. I'm not his girlfriend."


(When we got back to Cebu, I relayed to Doy the "Who are You Going to Marry?" conversation)
DADDY: "Who are you going to marry, Mia? Who's handsome in your classroom?"
MIA: "Nobody."
DADDY: "How about Lymer or Dharyl?"
MIA: "No!"
DADDY: "How about Daddy? Is Daddy handsome?"
MIA: "Yes...(pauses). But I don't want you to marry me!"


(Daddy brought lechon for Sunday lunch)
MIGUEL: "Daddy, what did you bring for lunch? Shampong? (He means "liempo")


(Looking at her tree project with her name on it)
MIA: "Mommy, I've seen this (her name) before on my table, but something's missing."
MOMMY: "But it's there, Mia. It says Amelia Isabel Bautista."
MIA: "But, Mommy, it should be Amelia Isabel Barraca-Bautista."
MOMMY: "Oh, Teacher Nancy forgot to put Barraca."
MIA: "Yes, it's very missing."


(Eating lunch at SM)
MIA: "Mommy, there's a party in your tummy."
MOMMY: "Oh, yes, there is."
MIA: "Just wait when all the food inside meet the iced tea!"

Kids Say the Darndest Things 4

(Looking out our window)
MIA: "Oh, my goodness! Look at all those pink clouds!"
MOMMY: (without even looking) "Oh, yeah."
MIA: "You know what it means? It means the clouds are sleepy!"


(During one of her pretend plays)
MIA: "Attention! This is your captain speaking. We will be landing in a few minutes."
MOMMY: "Huh?!" Where did you learn that?"
MIA: (continues, unfazed) "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we're landing. The bad news is, it's a crash landing!"


(Putting to good use a new word she just learned)
MIA: "Mommy, look! They transformed Sunburst (a restaurant)into a shirt shop!"

MIA: "Mommy, when I grow up, is my face going to be transformed?"


(I am amazed by Mia's English grammar)
(Passing by the Mandaue Fire Station)
MIA: "Mommy, look! There's a fire truck!"
MOMMY: "Yes, babe, that's a fire station."
MIA: (big round eyes) "How could the firemen possibly be there?!"


(In one of her enlightened moments)
MIA: "Mommy, I know why people sneeze. There's an itchy thingy and it makes your body itchy, and that's what makes people sneeze! Then you drink medicine and the itchy thingy flies away! "


(Never dreamed this conversation would take place between a 9-year-old and a 4-year-old)
(Miguel and Mia are watching Clone Wars)
MOMMY: "Who's that, Miguel?"
MIGUEL: "That's Anakin's padawan learner."
MIA: "No, kuya! She's already a jedi!"
MIGUEL: "No, she's still a padawan, Mia."
MIA: "Oh?! But she's carrying a sword!"


(Miguel entertains me as well)
MIGUEL: "Mommy, when are we going back to B-B-A-Q?" (he means AA Barbeque, a restaurant at the North Reclamation Area)
MOMMY: "What are you talking about?"
MIGUEL: "The place where we ate, ba. The one beside Petroleum." (he means Petron, a gas station!)


(Right after talking to Tita Gingging on Skype)
MIA: "I'm going to visit Tita Gingging in China. Mommy, where's China?"
MOMMY: "It's a country north of the Philippines, babe."
MIA: "What means NORTH?"
MOMMY: "NORTH means ABOVE." (well, how would you explain NORTH?!)
MIA: "You mean, China is above Earth?"
MOMMY: (Laughing) "No, babe. I better show you a map."
MIA: "We have a map?!" (maps are fascinating to her because Dora the Explorer has one!)


(Watching a girl on American Idol sing during Hollywood Week)
MIA: "That's it. She rocks."


(Talking to Barbie in her room, while playing)
MIA: "Oh, no, you can't marry Shrek. You're scared of Shrek."